Failed to Fantastic

Stress Time Emotions Praise

This week was a tough one physically and emotionally. We finished our weekly long run last Saturday which was tough for sure yet I felt quite victorious when we were finished. During the group run I spent time running my turtle pace with someone who was walking all the time. When I would run I would go slower and she would walk faster so we could pace each other and stay together. It helped both of us to take our mind off of the task at hand so we made it through together. I really appreciated having someone to talk with because it kept my mind off of how hard it was to keep putting one foot in front of the other. When I groaned to stop she cheered me on and vise versa. We were both grateful for the opportunity to do it together. The path we were on was not wide enough for more than two at a time so it worked out great for both of us. It proves our team motto which is together we all go farther. I believe that now because before it was just words so thank you Nancy, for motivating me to keep going.

When Monday came along I was having trouble walking. I had pain in my left ankle, arch, top of the foot, knee, hip and the lumbar region of my back. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to work. It hurt so bad that by Wednesday I was headed to my Chiropractor for a much needed adjustment. I always feel the relief as soon as she is finished working on my specific areas of need but the relief I sought was not complete like usual. This time I still hurt in the left ankle area when I left the office. The Dr knew something was still not right so she had me follow her to another office where she proceeded to measure me for a set of custom designed orthotic inserts to put into my shoe. I needed it to improve my posture on a daily basis along with preventing the pain from the running as mentioned above. I went home with the print out of the diagnosis in my hand in disbelief deeply discouraged.

I was still in pain which would not go away. I was convinced I would spend the rest of my life in pain. I felt my career as a Marathon run/walker was over before it had much of a chance to even begin. I felt like a failure because I could not put any weight on my foot without pain shooting up to my knee. I spent the day Thursday with my legs elevated all day so that my swollen feet would not get worse. I rested my physical body even though I still had not run any of my runs for the week. Avoiding pain is a huge motivator for me. I don’t tolerate pain well at all. I spent some time with my laptop watching the videos about why these orthotics were necessary to correct the problems I have with the arches in my feet. By the end of the day I had another mindset shift that if I would buy new shoes in a larger size, put the custom orthotic in my new shoes I would be able to return to this sport with some possibility of success. I have had problems with my left foot, ankle and knee since I was a very young child so it is not a surprise that the pounding of walking or running would create bigger issues I just do not want to have to be different. I am an introvert who wants to blend in to the crowd not stick out by being special in any way that calls attention to me.

I realized I was letting my thoughts get control over me again with the Ideal Me vs. the Real Me. Does it really matter? Will anyone even know I have inserts in my shoes? This is not that big of a deal, after all, the Dr did not tell me I had Cancer! Why am I making such a big deal about this? Yes, it’s expensive to buy these inserts and new shoes but it is an investment in my health. I am Valuable, I am worth it. If I played some other sport I would have to buy the equipment to do it including shoes so what is the problem? Well by putting it into perspective I guess it is really not that bad after all. I really thought maybe my pain would never go away and I would not be able to be a runner or a walker no matter what.

The good news came on Friday morning when I woke up, put my feet on the floor, expecting pain but there was very little there. Wow! That was a whole lot better than I expected it would be. I had to teach on Friday morning so I was relieved because I thought I was going to have to cancel classes but now it did not seem necessary which was a big relief. I taught class which was difficult at first but as the muscles warmed up they felt better. I was glad when class was over that I had taught because I knew it was better for me by helping to promote the healing process I just wanted to be sure I did not over do it so it became negative instead of positive. The rest of the day was resting with my legs elevated again to prevent the swelling from coming back.

The best news came on Saturday morning. My hubby and I had previously signed up to run a 5K for Colon Cancer Awareness in a nearby town. With my inability to walk most of the week and his strained quad muscle we thought we had wasted our money. We decided to go ahead by just walking to be sure we did not make things worse. He is a 9 minute mile runner; I am a 19 minute mile runner so I am much slower than he is. He decided to walk at my pace while I had decided to try to run/walk the same as the last group run. When I would run he would just walk faster to easily keep pace with me while I was running. I was not really sure I could even go the distance without quitting. We finished the race, got some drinks and waited to hear the results not really knowing anyone who was there. When they announced the winners in my age group I was shocked to hear them say there were three women. I instantly knew I was going to get a medal. I came in third place but I was just thrilled to be able to complete the race!

Here is a picture of me with my new race shirt and medal which could not have been more encouraging. I thought I was a total failure all week long only to have such a great gift given to me because I did not give up or let my Ideal Self win the battle of the mind. It reminds me that there is great reward for those who finish the race as Paul said. Don’t lose hope! Remember this could be you, too. Keep telling yourself the truth.

First 5K of 2016 Season Picture of me Saturday May 28^th, 2016

 

Telling Myself the Truth

Stinking Thinking Exposes Problems

It’s been a couple of weeks since I shared how things are going. Many things have transpired since then. It’s May so it’s graduation month which brought three graduations to our family. My son earned his Masters in Strategic Leadership; my daughter earned two Associate degrees, one in Business Administration, one in Accounting and a Certificate in Bookkeeping. The last was me; I earned my Associate in General Studies 40 years after I started school in 1976. These are all amazing accomplishments which never would have happened without taking a dream to the next step of writing a goal, adding a date, making a task list and pursuing it to completion which we all have done. Yes, it feels amazing to have finally completed such a monumental task.

What does this have to do with running a marathon you ask? Everything is my answer! If you read my first post I mentioned that I had learned about the origination of the marathon as a tribute to a soldier in Greece who saved his country from destruction. That new information came from working toward my degree. It also changed my mind set or my thought process toward marathons from ridiculous activities to that of a tribute worthy of pursuit. The other thought about being able to do a marathon if that girl on TV could do it I could do it was another mind set change. Having six weeks of running practice behind me now I have had another shift in my thinking. I have stopped doubting my ability to do this even though I still face the challenge of internally motivating myself to get up and run when I’m hurting or tired or just don’t feel like doing it. Truthfully sometimes I have skipped a few practices when time was tighter than normal with all the graduation activities going on because of exhaustion.

The truth is what we think will either set us free to dare or it will hold us in a cage in bondage even if the door is open. The battlefield really is in the mind. What you think you can do you will do but what you think you cannot do you will never be able to accomplish. When we surrender to our thoughts about fear it can build unrealistic expectations until we refuse to even try. The words Freedom and Liberty come to mind reminding me of the story of the bird in a cage with an open door who has the freedom to fly away but not the liberty to follow through because of fear. It is like an invisible barrier that holds us back. We cannot see it but we know it is there so we do not try because we know we will fail.

Today I have decided to tell myself the truth. “I am Valuable” I say it all the time with my clients over and over again until they begin to believe in themselves. Some catch on quicker than others for a variety of reasons but I continue to repeat this mantra until they begin to believe it themselves. I have wanted to write for many years but just could never get past the fear of doing it. Fear of rejection that no one will want to read it or no one will like what I write or my style of writing is not polished enough or good enough. I could go on but I think you get the idea. I want to tell myself the truth.

The truth is

“My Voice Matters”.

Going after my degree, running a marathon and writing this blog are what freedom look like to me. This picture of the bird leaving the cage is a symbol of the liberty I now have to fly because I have overcome my fear by challenging it head on. I have found my voice because I was intentional about finding others who can gain value from my words. My belief in my negative self talk was what was really holding me back.

My aim would be to help set others free from the cage they have unintentionally placed themselves in so they are not at liberty to fly because they could not give themselves permission due to fear and doubt. I fully believe that whatever I achieve or accomplish in this life it is with the purpose of helping others do the very same thing. First for me and then for others, that is my life song.

What is holding you back? What is keeping you in the cage with an open door? Are you telling yourself the truth?

The Ideal Me vs The Real Me

My husband and I are working our way though the book “Changes That Heal” by Dr Henry Cloud. He talks about how we all have conflict between our “Ideal” self and our “Real” self. Understanding that if the Ideal self is left in control it will prevent the Real self from functioning properly so it’s important to have a healthy balance between the two.

As I was walking into school last week I was reflecting on this idea with regard to the Marathon training. We have now completed week two of the training which I am proud to say I have accomplished. The first part of this 26 week process is to prepare us to run/walk a 5K in eight weeks of which we have six weeks left. During week one I had a tough time running for two minutes. I thought it would have gotten easier in week two which it did in some ways so I feel like I’m making good progress but it’s not as good as I had hoped. My Ideal self was arguing with my Real self about my progress so I was feeling a little discouraged because I didn’t feel like I was measuring up. Something I often refer to as feeling “Less Than <” from my days in college math class. Later my instructor would tell the class our next paper is going to be on the topic of “Ideal vs Reality” so I knew I had to write about it here.

I made a list of things to consider which actually helped me to put it into perspective so I’m going to share my list here because I have a feeling you may relate to my list or some items on it anyway. It will help to give you an idea of what I’m talking about.

           The Ideal Me  vs  The Real Me

• Up Daily at 5:00 AM                 vs   Up Daily at 7:00 AM
• In Bed by 10:00 PM                   vs   In Bed by 11:30 PM
• Exercises Daily at 6:00 AM     vs   Exercises Daily at 9:00 AM
• Weighs in at 135 lbs                  vs   Weighs in at (Frown Face Here)
• Has ample supply of Money   vs   Has no Money

Can you relate to my list? I had to ask myself; Does it really matter? I think it’s important to get up at 5:00 AM because my husband does but does it really matter? I admire people who get to the gym at 6:00 AM but if I go in at 9:00 AM does it really matter? Yes, I struggle with my weight but I am completely healthy in every other way so does it really matter? I’m run/walking a Marathon that I will probably be the last to finish. Does it really matter?

In Texas Holdem there’s a term called “ALL IN” when you put all your chips into the pot betting on winning that hand or be out of the game. I am “ALL IN” to this Marathon no matter how long it takes me to finish so does it really matter how long it takes me?

What’s on your list? Does it really matter?

“Get Up Off The Couch – 411”

Get Up Off The Couch

That’s what I heard one morning in March of 2016 as I sat on my couch drinking my coffee and spending time with the Lord. Well okay, what does that mean? In December of 2015 I had decided that I would start training for a 5K again which I hadn’t done in about two years. That’s a 3.1 mile race you can run or walk in an hour. I love doing 5K’s for good causes because it makes me feel good about myself and helping to raise money for things like Alzheimer’s or Pancreatic Cancer Research. Running is something I fell in love with in my early 20’s but got away from it after having kids, aging knees, gaining weight and getting older. As of today I’m still not able to run a full 3.1 miles. I walk / run every time which is okay with me. In fact my best ever time was 49:49. The longest I’ve ever run is 22 blocks which is about half of the 5K or 1.5 miles which for me was a great accomplishment.

In January 2016 I started taking the last class to complete an Associate Degree I started 40 years ago. It’s a tough thing to go back to college at 60 years of age let me tell you. I’m taking History of Western Civilization which I’ve always wanted to take because I’m interested in History. While studying the Greek’s I learned about how the Marathon which is a 26.2 mile race came to be. It’s actually a tribute to a Greek Hoplite or infantry soldier who ran from the coast of Marathon to Sparta and back three times saving his fellow countrymen from the invasion of Darius of Persia then collapsed and died. I was really impressed that this Marathon race that I thought was so ridiculous no one should ever consider doing one I now understand is a living memorial to the memory of what that soldier did to this day. How cool is that?

This leads us up to April when I watched an episode of a television show called Extreme Weight Loss. I don’t usually watch these kind of shows because I think they are made to look better than reality and give people false hope. There was a young woman who was 24 years old and extremely over weight is told by her trainer that she is going to run an International Marathon somewhere in New York. This was after she had lost half of her weight goal but only three months to train in preparing for the Marathon which is not enough time. At the time she ran the Marathon she weighed in at 198 pounds which is heavy to run at all let alone a Marathon. Do you know how far 26.2 miles is? Wow!

A day or two later my youngest Grandson was born on Sunday April 3rd, 2016. I stayed home from church that day to sleep after having been up all night at the hospital.  As I put on my pajamas and climbed into bed that morning I started to think about this show. How if she could do a Marathon then maybe I could since she actually weighed more than I do. My husband, Don, went to church without me and when he came home he was beaming from ear to ear. You’ll never guess what I did. I signed up to run a Marathon! You did WHAT? As he told me about it I began to remember this episode and my thoughts about being able to do it. Within 5 min I said then sign me up! If you’re doing it I’m doing it, too! And that is how I joined Team World Vision to run the Chicago Marathon on October 9th, 2016.

This brings us to today. I have been wanting to write a blog for many years now. It’s been on my bucket list since at least 2008 yet I could never decide what to write about. I have decided to write about my journey from the Couch to the Chicago Marathon and the lessons I learn along the way. I hope to inspire others to get up off the couch, take a step in a new direction toward better health and hopefully have some fun along the way. This is no accident. It is a divine appointment for both of us. I hope it inspires you the way it inspired me. If I can do it, anyone can do it! I am going to need all the cheerleaders I can get so let me know what you think. If you really like what you read share it with your friends so they can “Get Up Off The Couch“, too.

 

Here’s the episode I watched if you want to watch it, too.

Extreme Weight Loss – Meredith – Season 3 Episode 2